You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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