This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
