need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
