remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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