An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
