Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
