what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
