Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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