Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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