I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
