My room smells like vodka and shame
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
