we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
