Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
