she was so not down for the gang bang
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is the high leading the old right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize