I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
