Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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