Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
