Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
