So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
