Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
