I've blown a few things in my day
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
