And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
two words: eviction party
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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