Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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