im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
