I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
