He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
