Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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