his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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