I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
