Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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