My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
