he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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