Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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