u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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