Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My bed smells like the plague
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
