how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
