So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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