So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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