I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
