sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
