mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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