I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
