3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
