I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
