I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Randomize
