U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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