How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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