i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
