Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
