similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
