How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
