Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
