bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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