Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
