I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
