i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
