I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
