Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
